Leave the light on
by Nina.4444
Summary: She had been dreading it for the past week; actually for the past month ever since she found out her best friend was leaving. Leaving Seattle, leaving the hospital and leaving her
1. Chapter 1

**Leave the light on  
**

**Chapter 1:**

She had been dreading it for the past week; actually for the past month ever since she found out her best friend was leaving. Leaving Seattle, leaving the hospital and leaving her

_Who was I before I met you?_  
_Before I had you in my heart_  
_where was I when you weren't by my side?_  
_Lonely and lost in the dark_  
_Now it's the hardest thing I'll ever know_  
_Learning to let you go_

_And I thank you every day_  
_For all you gave to me_  
_For saving me, for the strength to carry on_  
_And when I close my eyes_  
_I feel you close to me, still holding me_  
_Even though you're gone_  
_And every night I leave the light on_

_Days go by I'm here without you_  
_I'm missing all the things we shared_  
_But I won't cry_  
_I will not worry about you_  
_In my heart you'll always be there_  
_Can you hear these simple words I say_  
_A million miles away_

_Just to remind me (I leave the light on)_  
_I dream you find me once again (I leave the light on)_  
_To lead you home where I am waiting (where I am waiting)_

_And I thank you every day_  
_For all you gave to me_  
_For saving me, for the strength to carry on (for the strength to carry on)_  
_And when I close my eyes_  
_I feel you close to me, still holding me_  
_Even though you're gone_  
_And every night I leave the light on_  
_And every night I leave the light on_

**So if you haven't heard this song before it's by Sara Ramirez (Callie) herself you should definitely have a listen to it it's absolutely beautiful as is her voice. I stumbled across it one day and this storyline came to mind. **

**Let me know what you guys think...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Leave the light on **

**Chapter two:**

Callie sat in the backseat of Owens rather expensive car her head against the cool glass of the tinted window. She could distantly hear Christina chatting to Owen and the red haired man laughing in response but had no idea of the joke. Her downcast eyes looked through the rain falling against the glass from the grey heavens and instead were focused on the white lines that were drawn down the middle of the bitumen highway. They disappeared behind her in a flash but another always followed and she could barely see the gaps, leaving her feeling lightheaded and dizzy but she staunchly refusing to look away. The speed of the car took them faster and faster to the one place Callie did not want to go. She had been dreading it for the past week; actually for the past month ever since she found out her best friend was leaving. Leaving Seattle, leaving the hospital and leaving her.

Her eyes welled and she blinked furiously desperate not to let them mirror the actions of the drops of rain running down the window pane in front of her eyes. Her throat constricted and her heart stung, she was losing the one person who was still hers. And it hurt. She was suddenly startled out of her reverie when Christina's question punctured her far away thoughts sending her reeling back to reality,

"Are you coming Cal" Christina knew that Callie was upset, she also knew that Callie knew how to put on a flawless act and apart from herself and Owen she was pretty sure that Callie had managed to convince everyone that she was more than happy for the golden couple that was Mark and Lexie. When Christina and Callie had returned from Mark and Lexie's going away party a few nights ago Christina had softly told her friend that she had missed her calling in life as an actress. It was the first time that someone had stated bluntly how Callie was feeling and Owen, who had very gentlemanly escorted the two women home, couldn't move fast enough to catch the newest attending before she hit the ground in a crying mess as her resolve shattered. She wondered if Mark could see it, see how much his departure was upsetting her.

Callie sighed, her warm breath fogging up the inside of the car window. A fist knocking on it startled her for a second time and she looked up to glare at Owen before he gave her a gentle smile and opened the door. He stuck his hand out and she sighed again before taking it and letting him pull her out of the car. Christina slammed the door shut and the three of them made their way into the chaotic building filled with curious tourists, friends and family joyfully reuniting and tearfully parting. Most of Mark's and Lexie's closest friends at work had turned up and when they first rounded the corner to gate 16 Callie's eyes had no trouble finding Mark who was currently embracing Derek in a brotherly hug and they were speaking seriously but with large smiles stretched across their faces.

_**Who was I before I met you?**_

It was only then that Callie realised that she hadn't yet let go of Owens hand instead she had it clutched tightly in hers. She flushed pink before giving it a squeeze and releasing it from her tight grip and throwing him and apologetic smile which he shook his head to dismissing it. He moved to Chris and threw his arm around her shoulders making the scene approaching the Seattle Grace employee's completely normal and giving them no reason to doubt Callie's facade she was so desperate to keep. But the overwhelming feeling of loneliness that washed over her as Owen and Christina became conjoined again almost made her think that she didn't care about pretending anymore.

_Can't we be single in pairs?_

She'd once suggested it to Mark. It had been on a stormy night when Callie found herself on his couch and they were both sitting curled up against each other listening to the torrent of rain outside. Mark had grinned at her logic when she had pronounced that it was so much easier to be single in pairs and heartily agreed with her. The fact that he had then poured her and himself another tequila may have had something to do with their pledge to never leave each other but it had still been made. But now...now she was back to being alone. As she looked to Lexie and took in her almost sickening happiness she realised she hadn't felt this alone since she'd befriended Mark. Since she'd broken up with George. Since she'd been cheated on and since Mark Sloan had saved her.

_**Before I had you in my heart**_

Who would save her now? She didn't want to go back to being her old self. Alone. She didn't even know how to be that person anymore. Mark had somehow managed to creep into her life and slowly break down her walls and had sneakily convinced her to trust him and it had only been in the past week or so she realised how much she depended on him. She loved him. Even if it wasn't in an I want to spend the rest of my life with you way she certainly, most definitely, irrevocably loved Mark Sloan. And now he was leaving. 

_**Where was I when you weren't by my side?**_

He was leaving with Lexie and taking her best friend away. Her partner in crime. Her confidant, her ex lover and the only person she could say anything to ever. He'd made her strong. When she was with him she felt free, she felt alive and she felt loved. He was her family. When she didn't have him next to her she had felt so broken. Sure, George had a colossal part in that but it was Mark who made her realise that she was more than she had ever given herself credit for. When Mark was with her she felt like she could do anything and she could be anyone.

_**Lonely and lost in the dark**_

Before him, before Mark Sloan had weaved his way into her life she had been so lonely. She had lost everything and he was the one that had built her back up and put her back together. She'd lost her marriage, her confidence, her worth, her baby; she'd lost her promotion and her family all at once not to mention her respect at the hospital and every shred of her dignity. Her disastrous marriage had left her in pieces and with no glue or tape to haphazardly attempt to stick herself back together. What on earth would she do without him? She wasn't sure she knew how to live without her best friend. She hadn't realised how much he had become to her. How much she took him and his friendship for granted.

_**Now it's the hardest thing I'll ever know**_

Almost as if he had sensed her coming before she knew it Mark had looked up and met her eyes his eyes brightening and his grin widening as he spotted her. She then watched his brow furrow and his smile falter when he took in her expression. She fought with the tears that were flooding her eyes and pleaded with herself to keep her face calm and composed. After a couple of seconds she painted a bright smile onto her lips and forced herself to grin back at her friend and his obvious excitement. She watched him relax and gesture her to hurry her ass the hell up, as Mark would say.

_**Learning to let you go**_**  
**She didn't know how she would do it, but she did know that she would have to. Her eyes settled on Lexie again as she walked by Christina's side who was still tucked under Owen's arm. She'd never seen the woman so happy and glancing at Mark again she took in his genuine happiness. There was no way in hell she would ever do anything to risk his happiness. She wanted his him to be happy more than anyone and anything in the world. He so much deserved it. As he met her half way and she dived into his arms she knew that she would let him go, let him walk out of the airport onto the tarmac and onto a place and out of her life. She would deal with the rest later.

She took in his familiar scent for the last time for a long time, the comfort she took from being in his arms, the warmth and everything else she knew she would miss until she saw him again. She had no idea when that would be. The two stood there silently wrapped in each other's arms knowing that things were about to change drastically between them and not really knowing how to deal with it.

She pushed him back and untangled herself from his strong arms as she felt her eyes once again well up to a dangerous point of potential downpour and held him at arm's length forcing a smile she knew he could have seen through with his eyes closed,

"Ready old man?" He rolled his eyes and goosed her in the side making her laugh and revelling in the sound he would miss so much. **  
**

**Originally this story was going to be a short little one chapter thing ...but then I started writing and it kept coming **** Oh well...**

**What do you guys think..it's only the first verse so far. **

**Lyrics and characters not mine obviously, instead they belong to Sara Ramirez and Shonda Rhimes :) Thank you for reading guys.  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**Leave the light on **

**Chapter 3**

It hadn't been long... and yet it was long enough. Too long since Mark Sloan left Seattle. Since he left for a new home, with his new family in a new house and a new state. She squeezed her eyes tightly as she collapsed sideways on her bed laying her heavy head down on the soft pillow as she raised her arm and flicked through the channels without even registering what was on the small, black screen at the end of her bed.

It had only been a couple of days but the promise Mark had made of calling her when he got there was left empty and so was she. She didn't want to call him; she understood that he'd be settling into his new life, his new job, his new house, new weather, new friends. She didn't want to interrupt that, intrude on that. Her heart stung,

She wondered who he'd replace her with. And Derek. Then again maybe Derek had heard from him. She remembered Christina telling her that Lexie had been gushing about the hot weather or something like that to Meredith the other day. Maybe Mark had spoken to Derek then. He'd ring...she was sure. He never broke his promises.

So she'd wait, she'd wait for him to ring. Wait for her heart to heal again and wait for the gaping wide hole in her heart to close up. She was struggling without her best friend she'd always needed people or a person or whatever. First she'd had Addison who had ended up being the closest friend Callie had ever had. They shared everything and were always there for each other, drop everything and anything for each other. As far as Callie was concerned the red headed neonatal surgeon won the best friend award of her life. And then she left. And she took a part of Callie with her because losing Addison was like losing a part of her, was like losing a sister except she had been closer to Addison than her own sister. And so she cried, and grieved at the loss.

_**And I thank you every day, f**__**or all you gave to me**_

And it was then that Callie Torres learned that she didn't cope with loss very well. And then out of nowhere Mark Sloan came along. Not the hot, steamy sleep with you here and now Mark but the man who would ultimately blow Addison out of the water in the best friend innings. It wasn't that he replaced Addison but he filled the gaping hole that Callie gave to her and he was everything she needed and more.

And she was thankful, so very thankful. Without him...she didn't want to contemplate where she'd be now. He was her friend, her best friend nonetheless and nothing more...he couldn't be. He was everything and nothing all at the same time like a good best friend should be. He had saved from the loss of her best friend, the loss of her husband, of her baby. He'd been their when her father had cut all ties with her and stood by her side and dried her tears through it all. He had given her all the strength and comfort in the world.

_**For saving me, for the strength to carry on**_

He'd saved her when she needed saving, he'd helped her when she needed help; he'd held her when she'd needed to be held. He'd given her life back to her, her strength back. He'd always reminded her of who she was and never let her lose herself through it all.

And then he left too. And she was reminded that she certainly didn't cope with loss well...at all. She had Christina but it wasn't like the others because Christina was still Meredith's person. And even though she knew it was stupid, Meredith was still the sister of the woman who stole her best friend away so...It just wasn't the same. She was great but for a best friend..well she was taken. By Meredith. And Owen.

It was funny Christina and Owen. To her they were two of the toughest shells. He, the solid trauma surgeon and she, the cold, strictly business cardiac surgeon. But with each other...they were softer, they were happy and kind of sappy which made Callie feel a range of things from happiness for her friends to a jealously of her friends happiness.

_**And when I close my eyes**_**, **_**I feel you close to me, still holding me**_

But she never told them, she just avoided them. Owen and Christina had been amazing and she knew that Derek had made the effort more than once to talk to her, to see how she was doing. And she knew that he was missing his best friend as well she could see it in his eyes and he wondered if Mark Sloan knew how much he meant to them.

She closed her eyes tightly trying to evade the tears that were threatening to fall. She hugged her pillow tightly in the dark after having frustratingly given up on the television and switched it off pressing the small button harshly before letting the controls fall to the ground.

She missed everything. She missed everything from his stupid little smirk and his random midnight phone calls to the way they shared a bottle of tequila and the way he would dance with her even though he hated dancing. She missed his apartment across from hers, she missed talking with him until the sun would come up she missed absolutely everything there was to miss and more. She missed him. **  
**

It wasn't normal to miss someone so much right?

_**Even though you're gone**_

She felt alone, so positively alone. She felt lonely all the time even when she was at the hospital surrounded with people, patients...lonely. She had tried not to feel it, didn't want to feel it, but she did. Half of her was missing. There was no Mark and Callie .. or Callie and Mark...or Torres and Sloan, Sloan and Torres all of which were a common combination of gossip and talk around the hospital and within their group of closest friends since they'd commonly be found wandering the halls together, or scrubbing in on each other's surgeries or consulting with each other, researching, whining, having sex, drinking coffee, annoying Derek, annoying Bailey but always together. There wasn't any together anymore, it was just Callie and just Torres. And without the other half of her team she was alone.

She wondered if that was part of the reason Lexie had suggested they move away, the leave. They break their bond and stretch their friendship. Because then there couldn't be any together. Any wandering or scrubbing in or researching or whining or drinking or annoying. None of it. There would be no more Torres and Sloan just Grey and Sloan just Mark and Lexie and Lexie and Mark and Callie knew that was how it had to be.

It was harder than any breakup with a boyfriend and there was no way she would ever compare it with her disastrous marriage; it was a different kind of hurt. A different kind of gut wrenching, heart stabbing kind of hurt.

_Because you love him_

_**And every night I leave the light on**_

She frowned kicking and cursing herself. She had been fighting with herself for the last couple of days. She did not love Mark Sloan. She could not love Mark Sloan. She could not love him for a multitude of reasons, for one he was her best friend and two, which was a very big, significant two, he was practically married. She wouldn't be surprised if she didn't receive an invite to the grand wedding of Mark Sloan and Lexie soon to be sometime soon.

Tears welled as she thought of the pretty little card that would break her heart and she sat up sighing exasperatedly. She had to stop it. She did not love Mark Sloan. She. Did. Not. Love. Mark. Sloan.

Yet she missed him a little bit more every single night when she got into bed, tried to fall asleep and fail miserably. Then with nothing useful to distract herself with the tears would come and nine times out of ten she'd cry until finally her body let her slip into exhausted sleep and give her a little peace.

As Callie's wet eyes slowly closed her bedside lamp flickered slowly allowing a dull light to slightly illuminate her dark room. Darkness made everything worse. She could feel the pain and the hurt times a million in the dark so the light stayed on flickering through the night.

She did not love Mark Sloan.

**Reviewwww! Please review let me know what you think, 1 more Callie pov and then I think I'm going to do one from Mark's point of view...**

**Let me know what you guys think of this one...please! **

**Nina xx**


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